Falwell Dead! SpongeBob has alibi…

“I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say ‘you helped this happen.”

Reverend Jerry Falwell on the true cause of 9/11 

Sad news for Denny’s franchises across the U.S. today as Reverend Jerry Falwell ate his last Grand Slam breakfast this morning.

There was however, much rejoicing in cartoon land as SpongeBob Squarepants and Teletubby Tinky Winky danced for joy at the news that Falwell had gone to join the choir invisible. 

As you will no doubt recall, the Rev. Falwell outed both Tinkie and SpongeBob during one of his many bizarre episodes over the past years.

“Global warming is “Satan’s attempt to redirect the church’s primary focus” from evangelism to environmentalism.”.”

Jerry Falwell on the environment

The fact that Falwell apparently vapor locked in his office this morning after his second, or possibly third, breakfast came as no surprise to many, as Falwell had a history of heart problems.  His heart condition was quite possibly made worse by his constantly widening girth which, at the time of his death, was approaching Jabba the Hutt proportions.

While his many supporters were celebrating the fact that God had “called him home”, I expect that if he is experiencing an afterlife it is in a very hot location.  And I don’t mean Key West.

For some true believers this is viewed as the first blast of the trumpet, the beginning of the rapture and the end of times.  For many others, it is just the end of an overweight, intolerant, blowhard.

And for God’s sake let’s pray that there is not some televised lavish coffin parade planned for Jerry who managed to put the hip in hippocrate.

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