The Second Half of Summer…

photo-47.jpgIt’s hard to believe that summer is half over.  But the shadows creep across the back lawn earlier and earlier these nights and the movies become less and less spectacular at the omniplex. 

But before the leaves start falling again, let me offer up my official summer box office half time report.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At the World’s End  – way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way too long.  Hopefully this franchise will go back to being a ride in Disney parks.

Spiderman 3– too many villains and much too long.

Transformers– hated the toys but found myself liking the film.  Lots of things get blowed up real good.

Mr. Bean’s Holiday– Rowan needs to put this wannabe M. Hulot to bed.  Not very funny even for Mr. Bean lovers.

28 Weeks Later – worthwhile sequel, keeps you interested, but zombies are getting a little tiresome.

I Know Who Killed Me – and my career…  It’s Lindsey Lohan going to pieces again.

The Simpson’s Movie – lots of laughs, be sure to stay to the very end of the credits.

The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer – serviceable sequel, mostly harmless.

Live Free and Die Hard– almost as much fun as those Mac commercials.  Yippi cy yayyyy…

Evan Almighty – or is it Evan Everlasting (at least it felt that way).  Big, dumb and loud.

Hairspray – haven’t seen it, didn’t see the John Waters original, don’t care.

Harry Potter and the Onset of Puberty – Harry and his crazy mixed up satanic gang keep every serious actor in England working. 

License to Wed – employing Robin Williams in a movie should be made a capital crime.

Ratatouille– whoever had the sick idea of a rat in a kitchen should be flambeaux.  I can not understand how Pixar can turn a plague carrier into a hit, but they did.

Ocean’s Thirteen – better than 12 not quite up the 11 standard. 

Knocked Up – this summer’s “silly” comedy that didn’t hit its mark – 13 to 17 year old boys.  To them “Knocked Up” is a horror film.

Shrek the Third – again three times is once to often to the well.  Lame and unfunny.

Grindhouse– even the fanboys couldn’t make this one a hit.  I guess no one is nostalgic for the days of cheap, badly made movies.  Too bad they couldn’t introduce the odor of urine into the air in the theatres to make it a more authentic experience.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry – insulting to gay people, insulting to straight people, insulting to anyone with a brain.  No pride at all in this turkey.

Nancy Drew flies.

Sicko – keep telling yourself “it’s only a movie”.  Gee, what’s Michael Moore going to do in 14 months when George W. et al are history?

Hostel 2 – a box office bomb, could it be that finally this form of horror porn has run its blood soaked course?

I still have not seen Bourne Three, but from the initial reviews and my son’s enthusiastic endorsement, it is really good.

It’s kind of depressing that this is the summer crop of BIG MOVIES.  But the tang of fall is on the breeze and that will bring with it the Toronto International Film Festival (or TIFF as we affectionately refer to it) and the rise of more serious box office fare.

I hope.

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