This Christmas make Conrad Black your bitch…

Lord Black steps on a turdLord Black of Crosshairs appears to be resigned to the idea that he is going away for a while and it won’t be much like the vacation he took in Bali. 

Or maybe it will, just without the exotic tropical diseases and uncouth Australian tourists.

I understand that as a foreign national,  sentencing guidelines require that he spend his time in a Federal Pen and not some white collar country club. 

So what will Conrad do once he is inside? 

I don’t think he’ll join the Aryan Brotherhood, they are a little too left wing for his tastes.  And at the age of 62 he is probably too old to be someone’s bitch.

Conrad is an ardent historian and I am certain that he will fill his hours of incarceration productively cranking out more Presidential biographies to help fill remainder bins.  I think an in-depth biography of Millard Fillmore is long overdue.

Just to help him along with his time whiling, I suggest that we all offer to become his pen pals.  That way Conrad will feel he is part of the world.  We can keep him up to date on the latest happenings on Canadian Idol or which one of the Heroes will be killed off next.  Or we can just fill him in what we had for breakfast (in as much detail as possible).

Or help him cope with the fact that his faithful manservant Bobo will not be joining him at the Crowbar Four Seasons . 

Or we can stand vigil outside the gates of the maximum security facility.  I am sure that Barbara Ameil would appreciate the company as she keeps lonely watch for her lover.

Lord and Lady Black on their way to a town meetingRemember, Lord Black needs our help and the encouragement that our pen pal letters will bring. 

So take courage Lord Black as you stand before the bench and receive your sentence.  By the way here’s a helpful hint, a sharpened spoon makes the best shiv.

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