Your call is important to us...Last week Bell Canada announced the launch of their latest venture – an online movie store.  Though the ads have not started to appear yet, Sparkplug was able to secure an advance look to share with you our loyal readers.

The scene is Cannes at the height of the film festival.  Frank and Gordon those beloved CGI Bell mascot beavers are walking along, mobbed by adoring fans and the papparazi.  Frank is wearing a beret and sunglasses.  Gordon is balancing a laptop as he walks.  Frank staggers a bit as he drinks directly from a bottle of wine.

Frank:  Hey Gordon what are you doing?

Gordon:  I’m downloading a movie from Bell’s new online movie service.

Frank:  Wow, that sounds great.  See we didn’t have to put up with snotty waiters and overpriced hotel rooms afterall.  We could have just stayed home and enjoyed our own film festival.

Gordon:  That’s right and you wouldn’t have gotten into that punch out with Sean Penn last night.

Frank takes off his sunglasses and rubs a black eye.

Frank:  Yeah well, at least he’ll be pissing blood for a while.  So what are you downloading?

Gordon:  Something called ‘Bride of the Gorilla’.

Frank:  ‘Bride of the Gorilla’, is it about Donald Trump?

Gordon:  I don’t think so… 

Frank:  So when can we watch it?

Gordon:  Well, it’s taking forever.

Frank:  Must be Bell’s special traffic shaping technology.

Gordon:  But I thought that was supposed to speed things up for everyone.

Frank:  Yeah, everyone who doesn’t need to use the internet.  Say what other films are available from Bell?

Gordon:  Well let’s see there’s ‘The Cosmic Monster’, ‘ Beef III’ and ‘Bastards of Young’.

Frank:  Sounds like the kind of crap that you can see here.

Gordon:  Well they come with a full range of digital rights management software so that you can enjoy your movie on any second Tuesday of the month between three and four a.m. in a tiny window on your computer.

Frank:  That doesn’t sound very convenient. 

Gordon:  Yeah, you got better terms from that hooker the other night.

Frank rubs his crotch painfully.

Frank:  And it lasts longer too.

Frank grabs Gordon’s arm excitedly.

Frank:  Hey look Gordon, there’s Ashton Kutcher! 

Gordon, is frantically punching keys on his laptop.

Gordon:  Oh crap, my download crashed my system. 

 Gordon hurls his laptop into the ocean.

Frank is already running along the beach.

Frank (calling):  Hey Kutcher, you suck!  I bet you fight like that fag hag you married.

Gordon:  Frank, Frank, leave him alone, it’s not his fault he can’t read a script.

Fade to titles:  Bell’s New Movie Service – Get the latest Hollywood hits and all your favourites at your local video store.  For everything else come to us.

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